Wednesday, August 23, 2006

the cupcake office

This morning Iris announced, “I’m not going to school. School is for parents. I’m going to the cupcake office!”

Hey, wouldn’t you?

Speaking of which…

You might have noticed that around the frazzled edges of this so-called blog has been lurking a lot of anxiety about work.

At first I thought it was a tumultuous transition to the new mayor and department director who took over at the beginning of this year. I figured I could ride it out, and at moments, I was even optimistic that things would work out for the best.

But I was wrong. Miserably wrong. Things went from bad to worse, then kept on sliding toward intolerable. I am not sure how much bleaker it can get, but signs are that I am going to find out.

The pisser is that I still like and care about the actual work I do. I just have reached a point where I can’t deal anymore with this new and hostile culture that has taken over my formerly friendly and supportive office. My unhappiness there is affecting every area of my life. I am cranky, grumpy, teary, and tired. Oh, and with a hair trigger. A joy to live with, you can be sure.

I have tried to adapt, I have tried to make the proverbial lemonade, I have tried to hunker down and focus on my work and not care about the rest. But none of that has helped, so I have made a scary, sad, exciting decision.

I am going to quit. By the end of the year. Sooner if I can, but the end of the year is the deal I have made with myself.

In the meantime, I am shaking every tree looking for something new. Pittsburgh is a small pond (sorry for the mixed metaphor with the trees in the previous sentence – are we in some kind of cypress swamp here?), and I realize I may have to leave my field (oh, now there’s a field in our metaphorical landscape!), but I am open to new experiences. Desperation will do that to you. And certainly, learning some new skills and perspectives can’t hurt, whether I end up circling back to my chosen profession eventually or not.

If I don’t find the cupcake office, at least I can get out of the antacid office.


Anonymous kirsten said...

been there (pre-kiddos)! except i DIDN't care about my field. boy, did it feel good to quit! best of luck to you as you make these big decisions!

11:06 AM  
Blogger Tracy said...

good for you! it is so hard to do what must be done sometimes. i am sure that you will land on your feet. good luck!

1:28 PM  
Blogger angelique said...

Thanks friends! (gulp)

2:18 PM  

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